A Place to Remember Read online

  ‘So, that’s it? You’ll cut John Tate from your life again. Only this time, Mum, it’s not only about you.’

  ‘Nina, I’m not going to interfere or tell you who to love. You’ll also have to forgive me for being a little confused by the ring you’re still wearing.’

  ‘Confused?’ Nina looked at her right hand. ‘I’m furious with myself. I knew my answer that night yet I wasn’t brave enough to tell him no. Conrad might love me, but he doesn’t make me feel the way Blair does. He and I have this… this connection, and if you’ve ever known what it’s like to laugh at everything a man says and think about him every minute of the day… I’m not invisible when I’m with Blair. He values my ideas and makes me feel invincible. What if he’s the man I’ll love for ever and who’ll love me in return? What if I’ve found my place in Candlebark Creek? Would that be weird, Mum?’

  ‘Oh, Nina.’

  Nina started to cry. ‘You’re going to have to tell me what to do. For once I really want you to tell me. Should I forget Blair, like you did with John?’

  ‘Why are you asking me that?’

  ‘Because, Mum, I see you with Mariska’s parents and they’re like an extension of our family. We all get together often and always have laughs and a good time. Tony’s so lucky. He never puts a foot wrong. Don’t misunderstand me. Team Marchette has been my rock, but nothing has ever filled the hole my father left in my life. I never told you, Mum, but I was so desperate that I met Dad when I was in Rome. We sat at a café, sipped coffee, but we had nothing to talk about, no connection.’

  ‘Why are you only telling me this now?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum. For some reason I can talk to John about anything. He’s like the father I never had. But even if Blair and I were to get together, this history you and John have makes me wonder if I’ll ever experience that sense of family because Blair is his son and you and John and Katie are…’

  Ava knew what her daughter was getting at. ‘It’s not that I think badly of Katie,’ she said. ‘We were never friends. In fact, the first time I met her she let me know I was the enemy. I can’t help it if she still sees me like that.’

  ‘Great! I can picture my wedding day. “Groom’s side or bride’s side? Pistols or daggers?”’

  ‘Now you’re being ridiculous.’

  ‘I’m not.’ Nina’s exasperation spiralled. ‘This whole portrait and pearl ring thing came about because of deliberate deception. What Marjorie did to you and John was despicable. Don’t you think I feel bad enough that I can’t tell Blair what I think of his grandmother? I wish you’d never told me any of it, but then…’ Nina sighed ‘… I guess Blair and I wouldn’t have met. So basically, Mum, I’m too screwed up over everything I know about you and John to have any relationship that requires I keep secrets. Right now Blair’s thinking I’m no different from his ex-wife. How the hell is this ever going to work?’

  ‘Darling, I don’t have all the answers. All I can say is that with knowledge comes responsibility. I once had all the information I needed to expose Marjorie as a liar, and Katie to some extent, although I believe she was naïve and Marjorie used her. Instead I made a choice to move on. I kept their secret and the truth from John and accepted that Fate must have other plans for me. And it did. It had you and Tony.’

  ‘And it has me in an impossible situation with Blair. It’s not fair, Mum.’

  ‘Nina, I understand how romantic country life can seem, and while Blair is lovely, please don’t be in a hurry. You are still young in so many ways.’ Still sulking, Ava might have added. ‘What if I was to shout you and Miriam a trip overseas? You can see if you feel the same way about Blair after that.’

  Her daughter sat ramrod straight. ‘All of a sudden, when it suits you, my settling down is not a priority. Not only that, you’re offering me money to go away. Jeez, Mum, you’ve turned into Marjorie Tate.’

  Ava flinched from her daughter’s verbal slap.

  ‘You know what, Mum? I’m done and I don’t want to hear any more. Thanks for the offer, but I won’t be travelling abroad and I won’t sit around and do nothing. I’m going.’

  ‘Where, Nina?’

  ‘Blair needs help and I need Blair. I’m going back to Candlebark Creek and I’m going to tell him how I feel. It’s time someone started telling the truth.’

  Chapter 58

  Portraits, Pearl Rings and Panna Cottas

  From the veranda where John sat, whisky in hand, the sunset shimmered, illuminating the remnants of the day’s mackerel cloud. He was enjoying nature’s own glorious canvas when he saw her, the stride on the woman holding the promise of something a little less serene.

  ‘Good to see you back, Nina,’ he shouted. ‘Let’s hope this visit’s less eventful than the last one, shall we?’

  She had stopped short of the steps, as if deliberately keeping her distance. ‘I came back to see Blair and to help, but I had to see you first.’

  ‘Me?’ He stood up and moved to the railing.

  ‘You sent my mother a note.’

  ‘I see, and did she get it?’

  ‘She wasn’t home when it arrived, but she has this neighbour who doesn’t miss a trick so when I dropped by to… Anyway, I won’t bore you with the detail.’

  ‘Please do. I like detail.’

  ‘The portrait you did of Mum said as much.’ Nina walked up a few steps. ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about and why I’m here.’

  ‘So, it’s not to help with the clean-up?’

  ‘That can wait until tomorrow. What I have to say can’t.’

  Shadows prevented John from reading her expression, but her stance said more than enough. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because it’s waited long enough, John.’

  ‘Sounds intriguing. You’d better come up.’

  ‘I’m sorry to barge in like this,’ Nina said, as she arrived on the top step.

  ‘Take a seat.’ John slid across the bench to make room.

  ‘If you don’t mind, I’d rather stand.’

  He smiled, hoping that once she’d said what was on her mind they could relax and enjoy the last of the sunset together. ‘You’re delightfully contrary, like your mother.’

  ‘I’m told I look a lot like her when she was my age.’

  ‘That must be nice.’

  ‘Nice if I want to know what I’ll look like when I’m fifty-eight, I suppose.’ Nina grinned. ‘I won’t complain if I age as well as Mum.’

  ‘Nor should you. Your mother is a very attractive woman.’

  ‘How much did she tell you about herself while she sat for you?’

  ‘There wasn’t a lot of sitting, I confess, and our conversations were many and varied. I know she’s done well, until ill-health forced her hand.’

  ‘She told you about being sick?’

  ‘Yes, she did, and I’m sorry, although the condition doesn’t appear to slow her down too much. Ava’s determination is quite inspiring. She’s achieved a lot.’

  ‘And she expects her children to live up to the family motto to love deeply and find their place.’

  ‘And do you believe she has?’ John asked.

  ‘Mum’s never been without a goal, even if it’s helping others achieve theirs. She worked hard, gave lots of people a start with the bakery chain, and she never neglected Tony and me. Lately, I’ve come to understand she’s put everyone else before her own happiness.’

  ‘Parents tend to do that. But I also know Ava was loved.’ His comment surprised Nina. ‘As I said, your mother and I talked as we prepared for the sitting.’

  ‘What else did you talk about?’

  ‘That, along with the contents of my note, is best left between your mother and me.’

  Nina hung her head, hiding signs of guilt, perhaps. She inched closer. With John expecting a lecture from a concerned daughter, her next statement startled him.

  ‘Nice basket selection. Nothing looked store-bought.’

  ‘A son who can cook and enjoys preserving
comes in very handy. Blair had Charlie deliver it on his weekly trip south.’

  ‘Ah, the bearded bushranger!’

  Her smile was short, purposeful. She had something serious on her mind and her constant fidgeting was making John anxious. ‘Why are you here with me, Nina?’

  The girl drew a deep breath, blowing it out so that the corkscrew curls that fell around her face bobbed. ‘My mother did love deeply and she was loved in return.’ That wasn’t the answer he was looking for, but she’d further intrigued him. ‘Sadly, though, not by the one man she wanted. The man she’s loved for ever.’

  ‘She mentioned a first love who was special. She lost him? That’s sad.’

  ‘No, John, he lost her.’

  Tempted to seek clarification, John remained cautious. ‘And what about you, Nina? Are you living the Marchette motto and finding your place? Have you loved deeply?’

  ‘Maybe, maybe not.’

  ‘It’s just that, well, since you got here I’ve noticed you haven’t stopped twirling that diamond solitaire on your right hand, as if it shouldn’t be there. Perhaps it’s meant for the left.’

  Nina cursed under her breath, tugged the ring off her finger and pushed it into her pocket. ‘I was meant to switch hands.’

  ‘Switch hands?’

  ‘That was my mother’s reaction.’ She smirked. ‘I’m waiting to return it and wish I’d never accepted it in the first place.’

  ‘Why is that?’

  ‘I don’t love him and I was convinced, having inherited my mother’s commitment issues, I wasn’t made for marriage. The thing is, I’ve recently discovered she never married because there was never room in her heart… Or should I say only one man had a place there?’ Her head tilted. ‘You never remarried after Katie, John. You must understand that once-in-a-lifetime kind of commitment?’

  ‘In my case, maybe once was enough. I’m also not the prize bull in the paddock.’ John grinned, but he felt a little bereft. The truth was he’d had little interest in introducing a new woman into his life, the challenge too overwhelming. Sure, he’d sought female company over the years: no strings, nothing serious, and definitely nothing permanent. ‘Besides, any woman I brought back to Ivy-May would take one look at the frenetic painting all over the walls and run a mile. If you’d stepped into another room when you were here last you’d understand.’

  Although his brain injury had obliterated memories of his early sexual experiences, he did remember the New Year’s Eve of his seventeenth year, and the one girl he wished he could forget. Suzy Stuckey had led him out to the old Calingarry Crossing wool sheds and gone down on him while his back was pressed against the sorting table. As the town’s pyrotechnic display had lit up the night sky, John had taken less than fifteen seconds to fire. Later he’d found out that twenty-year-old Suzy was a New Year’s Eve tradition, a kind of initiation among his mates.

  Of all the things to remember now!

  ‘What are you thinking?’ Nina was asking, a bemused expression on her face.

  ‘About being seventeen.’

  ‘You’re remembering? That’s good, isn’t it?’

  ‘Trust me,’ John scoffed, ‘that memory was as fleeting as the moment and nothing to get excited about. Lately, though, I’ve had these images flash through my head. People and events are coming back to me in ways I don’t understand. It’s been happening ever since—’

  ‘Ever since you met my mother?’

  *

  His smile was all the answer Nina needed, but it was short-lived and he seemed suddenly uneasy.

  ‘Before my recollections took us off-track, Nina, we were talking about that ring of yours.’

  ‘Let’s not. The sooner it’s back with Conrad the better.’

  ‘When did you decide this Conrad bloke wasn’t for you?’

  ‘The second he scooted the ring across the dinner table. I remember my mouth seemed frozen open for about twenty-five seconds longer than it should have been under the circumstances.’

  ‘You don’t love him?’

  ‘I’ve known since I met Blair that what I felt for Conrad wasn’t love. We have nothing in common.’

  ‘With you standing there, I’d say you and my son have plenty in common.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’ve seen him do the same – stare up at the sky like it has all the answers. Blair spends a lot of time contemplating the universe.’

  ‘See? There you go! I don’t think I’ve ever contemplated the universe.’

  ‘My son has always fancied himself as a bit of an astronomer.’

  ‘Blair told me about your ceiling. Did you paint the moon and stars for him?’

  ‘That particular work was done a very long time ago and, unlike every other flat surface in the house, I’ve never wanted to paint over it.’

  ‘Why do you think that is?’

  ‘Maybe having the sky on the ceiling reminds me of which way is up. My son says it takes 86,400 seconds for the world to do one rotation. My world turned upside down in one. Everything changed.’

  ‘You mean your aneurysm?’

  John nodded. ‘The medical profession had differing opinions. Some wanted me to believe that what happened in that second to make me start painting when I woke up had something to do with dormant creativity.’

  ‘That means you had the ability all along.’

  ‘One expert explained it as humans being like a computer. We all come with a raft of software that’s rarely utilised to its full potential, mostly because we don’t know how or we don’t take the time to learn. We don’t even know that part of our brain’s software is waiting for us to engage it until a traumatic blow forces it to kind of reboot itself. Then, bam, everything’s different.’

  ‘My reboot might not be so traumatic, but I fear my world is about to flip on its head.’

  ‘In what way, Nina?’ John asked.

  ‘I learned a few things about Mum’s past recently and it’s made me understand properly that we all have one life and Destiny plays a big part in it.’

  ‘So far I’m not seeing a problem, Nina.’

  ‘I’ve already crushed one sweet man’s heart. I saw the disappointment in Conrad’s face the night I told him I wasn’t sure. Then I heard it in his voice when I told him “no” over the phone the day after I met Blair. Maybe I’m not ready, or not the marrying type, and my friend Miriam is right about my inability to commit. Maybe for now my destiny is staying close to Mum. I don’t want to break any more hearts. Lordy, I sound like a basket-case.’

  ‘No, you sound like a good daughter, but your mother reminded me several times that she’s far from frail. I also think she’d want you to live your life. What is it you want to do, Nina?’

  ‘I know I’m desperate to reboot.’ She grinned. ‘I want to wake up each day with purpose and passion and work hard so I can sit on a veranda like this and talk about my day while watching a sunset like that.’ The glow was all around her: in the sky, reflected in the windows and in John’s eyes. ‘I can’t think of anything better than the country. If nothing else, Candlebark Creek is a good place to start contemplating the universe.’

  John shook his head despairingly. ‘Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I see young people spending too much time worrying about their options, usually by asking the social-media universe. In my day, if we liked somebody we asked them out on a date. There wasn’t this swiping left and right business.’

  ‘I’ve never swiped, never will. My issue is bad timing and geography. I’ve got Mum to consider, and relationships are hard enough without adding the tyranny of distance.’

  John huffed. ‘Bad timing? Distance? Destiny? Come on, Nina, they’re all excuses. As I understand it, your mother’s heart condition could stay unchanged for years. You, on the other hand, need to start listening to yours. If you want something badly enough, go for it.’

  ‘But what about the consequences of the wrong decision?’ she asked.

  ‘Every choice has a c
onsequence. Go with the one that feels right. That at least makes the fallout, if there is any, easier to accept.’

  ‘Miriam’s always told me I take the safe option. She reckoned I was crazy for breaking it off with Conrad and that he’s everything a girl could want.’

  ‘Then I’d suggest Miriam marry him.’

  Nina laughed. She liked John a lot and could see where Blair had got his sense of humour. Even funnier was Nina imagining Conrad trying to rein in a livewire like Miriam. ‘I’m feeling a little unsure of things after learning about my grandparents recently, the kind of family secret that knocks the wind out of a person.’

  ‘Every family has a cupboard with a skeleton in it, and some secrets will hurt more than heal if they’re let out. Now, Nina,’ John stood as if to say goodbye, ‘as lovely as it is to chat—’

  ‘I have a secret,’ she blurted. ‘It’s big, but it needs to be told.’

  John had that look on his face: curious, but cautious. ‘Then lucky for you I’m a good listener and I like long stories. Let’s move inside, shall we? I’ll show you my moon and stars.’

  Chapter 59

  Reboot, Force Quit, Restart

  Nina had declined John’s offer of a drink, but he seemed to be taking a long time to mix one for himself, like he was giving her a chance to reconsider.

  ‘How was the drive up?’ he called from the kitchen.

  ‘Testing. Road crews everywhere on the final leg.’ Another terse conversation with her mother over the phone hadn’t helped Nina’s mood. ‘I was a bit wired when I got here, John, which is probably why I started rambling about Blair. When I feel nervous I tend to ramble.’

  ‘Blair makes you nervous?’

  ‘How he makes me feel does.’ Being here with you isn’t helping. ‘I’ve known Conrad for almost two years and I thought he was my future. I’ve spent so little time with Blair.’

  ‘Time determines love?’ Ice rattled into the glass. ‘And here’s me thinking all these years it’s about connection. So,’ he said, returning to the table with two glasses after all, ‘why can’t it be love with my son?’